There's Something Wrong With Jim

I've heard that before. My usual reply is that I'm left handed. Which I think is OK, I've been that way all my life. If someone tells me I'm a Southpaw then I remind them that I'm one of the few that's thinking out of my right side of my brain. Gotcha!

This changed the moment I had my stroke. It only took a second. One moment the smiling, laughing top salesperson of the store and the next I was as stiff and silent as a Garden Nome. Just staring straight ahead.

While the staff were doing all the right things for me. Calling 911, laying me down so I couldn't hurt myself and just generally doing all they could for me I was thinking how do I get out of this? My entire body was paralyzed. Left side, right side, top of my head to the tip of my toes nothing was moving. I don't think I could even blink my eyes.

What's it like? Well it's not the paralyzes you feel seconds before the big interview. The feeling you get when your spouse announces that We Need To Talk. Not even the momentary mental collapse that happens when the nice police officer asks for your drivers license and you're not sure you brought it with you. No this is different. It's more like you're mentally reaching out to hold onto your body before they steal it but you can't get a grip.

Whatever happens next you have no control over. Your mind is just floating around like the unborn baby in 2001 A Space Odyssey. Floating around completely disconnected from the rest of the world and universe. Still you know and watch everything going on around you. In a way it's fascinating.

The problem was I knew I was having a stroke. My father had one when I was 16 and it wasn't a pretty sight. Years of his depression and attempted suicide told me I was in big trouble. If I didn't change the outcome which I was witness to in my fathers stroke life was going to be unbearable.

Fortunately I'm Left Handed. As far as I was concerned that changes everything. With the world setup for right handers, lefty has to adapt. Gas pedals are for the right foot. The pens at banks are always on the right side of the teller and to tighten screws you always turn the screwdriver to the right. So I'm thinking how tough is it going to be to get the left side of my brain to work the left side of my body.

Impossible!

Good guess but you'd be wrong. In my recovery not only did I think outside the box, I threw the box away. I knew that millions of brain cells died during my stroke. I knew they controlled the left side of my body. They controlled speech. They held the mystery of the alphabet and they were gone. They don't grow back.

What's wrong with Jim? Nothing. Jim's not closed. Jim's under renovation. I've got a lot of rewiring to do.